Hello September!

Dear September,

I know that you are gonna be as unpredictable as August, but I believe that you are gonna be an awesome start of a new path I am willing to take to finally get out of my comfort zone and do things that I have never been able to do before.
 

This time I would like to write about being grateful as well as being disappointed. But let's get on with the good news first..
1) INDONESIA MENGAJAR, it's official now, I am now officially  'Calon Pengajar Muda V' (CPM V), I finally decided to take on the opportunity although it means that I have to postpone my adaptation program for at least another year and I have to be away again from my family and my mister.. It's H-7 to the 7-week of intensive training for the prep before deployment. So, basically I am going to be an elementary school teacher for the next year if I pass the training session, it's not going to be easy, but I am ready to give my best! I believe this is where God wants me right now, I have to take the longer pathway before going back to medicine.
Most of the times it's a struggle for me, I don't really understand why God wants me in this program.
2) Being a Front Officer at the former school where I used to work as an assistant teacher.
This one also had been a great opportunity for me to become better at communicating with other people and also learn more about problem-solving. Long story short, I nailed the job. :) Thanks God for giving me the opportunity to face my own fear. (in this case: answering phone calls, talking to strangers, etc..) I am now gaining a lil more confidence in this area.
3) Having to postpone my adaptation program is probably one of the hardest sacrifice I have to make for joining Indonesia Mengajar. I am not even sure now how am I going to get back on the med track. Seeing some of my friends already begin with their adaptation is even more suffocating! Because I know for sure that me also is qualified as they are.. Wanting something so much but having no idea how to get it even after you work super hard is the worst feeling ever (well, maybe second to being dumped by someone who you completely head-over-heels in love with yet the person is just not that into you).
4) Not being able to drive is very TROUBLESOME especially in Jakarta! Public transportation in Jakarta sucks. TITIK. Pardon me for being a bit emotional today. My dad had an acute appendicitis last Monday, he was in Bandung at that time so he had operation in one of the hospital in Bandung. Praise God everything went well.  But now he won't be able to drive for some times and my mister is also busy working and everybody else is also busy with their own life, all that's left is spoiled-me. -_- I have this fear when I have to ride public transportation just by myself. This is just too much.. H-7 to IM training and I still have so much stuff to pack, God help me!

Have faith Lilli, open your bible, fix your prayer life.. *trying so hard to convince myself*

Bible verse of the week.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

 

For now, I really have no idea about what my future life will be, am I gonna be a doctor? (I certainly hope so, I pray to God to be with me every step of the way since it's gonna be a long wayy before I can finally get my license and practice) I doubt myself so much sometimes I think other people have more faith in me than me for myself, how ironic. -_- Am I strong enough to endure whatever comes next?

Sometimes we may feel insecure or afraid for reasons we can't share with others. We may feel so alone, so sad, and so down we don't even know how to live another day (kedengarannya emang lebay but it happens once or twice in life), we may have so much fears inside us or we may have so much doubts about ourselves or what future holds for us. Whatever it is that makes you feel this way, fear not, it WILL pass. Just know that you are NEVER alone. Hang in there! Pray, surrender yourself completely to God, and let God works. Know that God is always there, He has great plans for each of us, the obstacles we face in our life will only make us stronger and become a better person in the future, and all is for the glory of His name only.

Am I afraid right now? YES. Am I nervous right now? absolutely YES. But I have my faith in Him, I believe that God's plan is always good. Is my journey gonna be a smooth one or a bumpy one? I have no idea, hahaa, but I rather have a bumpy one with Him guiding me throughout my journey than a meaningless smooth one.

In the spirit of Christmas, let us pray for one another! :) Let us pray for Christmas full of blessings for everyone with no exception. Mari, mari berdoa dan berbagi berkat untuk satu sama lain.
I also would like to pray for one of my junior who had been hospitalized since last Sunday. May God's healing power come upon her so that she can be healthy again. God heals every illness she still has in her mind and body. Amin.